Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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