i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
