My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
