If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
