i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
