Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize