i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
