i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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