the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
