I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
All the doctor said was why
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
