She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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