he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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