I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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