Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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