GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
