i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
