I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
