Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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