so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize