D3 body, D1 cock
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
