I didn't shave. On purpose
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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