SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
