it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
