I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
