im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
