Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
