Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize