I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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