marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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