So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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