I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
