I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
