So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
