i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
