He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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