I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
