she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
