Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize