Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
