hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
