Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
