I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
