I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
