and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
