What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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