We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize