I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
