i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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