I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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