I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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