he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
