Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
