i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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