Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
