I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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