cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
