dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
