I wish I could punch you in the face.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
