Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
