And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
