Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
BRING THE BAGELS
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
