i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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