And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you win again, gameday.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
