just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
