Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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