Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
