i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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