Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
