mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
