Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
