Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He has the fingertips of a God
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