we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
