haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize