did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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