dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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