Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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