I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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