just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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