My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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