How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
