Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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