Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
