Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
