good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
