DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Drake has all the answers
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
